Ya Try Tha’ Shite Round Here We’ll Kick Yer Arse

The Scots treat terrorists a bit differently than the rest. Here is a new website dedicated to John Smeaton, baggage handler and ass kicker. Pledge a pint for John here.

As thousands of Glaswegians queued, moaned and sneakily sipped Buckfast on a rainy Saturday afternoon, one man stood vigilant outside the airport terminal. Baggage supervisor, hero, smoker. John Smeaton.

Little did he know, as he happily dragged on his fag, that two crazed al-Qaeda operatives were preparing to meet their maker. But they didn’t meet their maker. Instead they met BAA’s answer to Jack Bauer.

As the Jeep’s engine revved and the passenger started chucking the petrol containers out the windows like he was Santa in Shettleston, one man stepped in to help The Law take control.

al-Qaeda ‘Smeats’ its match
Those hapless al-Qaeda boys were to find out that Glasgow has no respect for international terrorism. Nobody gets between 10,000 Weegies and a £99 week in Ibiza booked on Thursday night through Barrhead Travel. And most of all, no-one messes with The Polis. Not in this town.

Smeat-on Smack-Down
That’s right Osama, this is how we do things in Raintown. This ain’t London. There’s no stiff English upper lip here, no WAGs. And it sure ain’t Edinburgh – they’d all be hiding in Harvey Nicks and hysterically babbling about their Tuscan villas. There’s no ‘Big J’ in Edinburgh airport, there’s no ‘Smeato’ at Heathrow. Here we take the law into our own hands. And feet.

Full CNN Interview Here

Via Hot Air